Been forever!

It's odd that last night I was thinking about making a blog entry and then Dottie mentioned missing my blog on a FB comment today. I took it as a sign...

I'm so out of the groove of blogging that this post will probably come across stilted. You get so used to little posts on FB that I almost think that way sometimes, but I'll give it a try.

Kevin is growing like a weed and is about 38 inches at the last unofficial measurement I did here at home. He's still a thin little guy, though. Most times he's the sweetest boy, but, MAN(!) he can be stubborn when he's in a cranky mood. He has already commanded control of the remote control to start his movies (it's such a guy thing).

As I've talked about on FB, we are about to have the kitchen remodeled. It all started with me wanting a dishwasher because our current one (Katie) has been doing a poor job of it. My brother (who is a contractor) came over to check the situation out with our cupboards to see where we could put one. Roni starts asking about the cost of new cupboards and it just snowballed out of control from there. Although I am terrified at the debt I am accruing over this, I am extremely excited at the thought of a new kitchen. Our kitchen is currently very outdated (original cupboards, sink, faucet, etc.) and the layout just plain sucks. Everything except my fridge and floor is getting changed. Even my stove is getting moved. Speaking of the stove, which is less than a year old, I am replacing it with a stainless steel, double oven, range. Bought that today when I bought the dishwasher and the microwave that will go above the stove. I figured "in for a penny....". I blame it on the low blood sugar I was experiencing while shopping. The island (cheap version) that is in the kitchen currently is going, going, gone. It is nothing but a junk collector. We are ruthlessly getting rid of stuff. I don't even have to haul anything away. I just put it on the curb and people take it. I've never put anything out that wasn't gone within a couple of hours. I believe people are now stalking my house waiting for the next item they can take. I'm thrilled with it and am glad to be helping someone else out.

As embarrassing as it is, I'm going to post the pictures of the kitchen as it is currently and when the remodeling is done, I'll come back and post the update...

A rough week

Roni had her Gastric Bypass surgery on the 12th. Because of her Fibromyalgia, the post-op days were horribly painful for her. It was exactly what I feared. I knew from past surgeries how bad it could be, but I had a small ray of hope that this hospital would be different since it was a large hospital, out of the area, and is actually a teaching hospital. I had hoped they would be more progressive, understand Fibro, and be up on the research which is published that shows why Fibro patients suffer from post surgery pain that is out of the ordinary, how to avoid it, and act accordingly.

I was sorely disappointed.

Roni's sister, bless her heart, came to be with Roni during the surgery and her stay in the hospital since I couldn't be there because we thought Kevin would be terrified to be left with anyone overnight.

After all these years, I'm convinced that very few medical professionals understand Fibro. Some don't even believe in it. Hospital personnel certainly don't get it. They make comments like, "You just had surgery, you have to expect some pain." What they don't get is that it isn't the surgery pain that has her writhing in pain and screaming out like nothing you've seen before with the same surgery performed. It is the Fibro pain. They refuse to listen, think you are exaggerating, being a baby, etc. It is beyond frustrating. It is heart wrenching to watch. It is why I never jump to any conclusions about a patient complaining of pain. Unfortunately, many of my fellow nurses, and even doctors, do just that. I try to teach. I become the patient's advocate. I hope there is a special place in Hell for medical personnel who allow a patient to suffer needlessly.

I'll get off my soapbox.

Anyway.

She came home on the 15th. Things are progressing slowly. Her PO intake is not what it should be, so I worry about dehydration. Her protein intake is not even close to being enough. She does get up and move around, for short periods, a couple times a day.

While she was at the hospital, Kevin became depressed and it was so sad to watch. I videotaped him on the 3rd morning he awoke and she wasn't there. The video is dark because it was a gloomy day and his bedroom light wasn't on, but this is what I walked in to that morning...If you turn your volume way up, you can here him ask for her "Noni"....about broke my heart.

Ahhhh...an antennae again.

Remember this post? For the past 2 years, I have looked on with envy at other vehicles that sported their Mickey Antennae Toppers. No more, my friends...

Never mind the icky-ness of the actual topper. It's got some kind of who knows WTF lint/pollution/whatnot on it, but it's back.

On top of this:

I'm back in a Jeep and I feel like I'm home again. The minivan was comfy and huge (too big, actually, for me), but it wasn't me. I missed the 4x4 of the Jeep. I missed the ruggedness of the Jeep. I missed being able to drive over curbs if some dumb fuck was parked, illegally, in my way being able to drive on more rugged terrain, if need be, when the situation arose.

I'm in my comfort zone again. I love Jeeps!

He hates water on his face...supposedly

Just a couple of weeks ago Kevin would carry on like a nut case, in the tub, if water got on his face...

It's moments like this...

...when I feel so bad that he is the only child this young in the house.

Yeah, I know...

I was struck with the urge to write and the one-liners on FB just don't cut it all the time.




Anyone still out there?



Kevin has really taken off with his talking. I was a little worried for a bit, but now he just says every-damn-thing. You know what that means for me, right? Gotta watch my sailor speak. Not so easy for me, but I'm trying while he's within hearing range.

Mondays are turning out to be rough for him because he gets used to me being home all weekend and then, on Mondays, I'm not. He was walking around looking for me and saying, "Mama?" The last 2 Mondays, he's been cranky for Roni....coincidence? He waits for me at the window when I'm due home, and he has the biggest smile on his face while he's looking out the window when I pull up. He melts my heart.

I still love my new position at work. There have been some challenges trying to change some bad habits of the staff on my floor. I think I'm making progress. I am the "catch more flies with honey, than vinegar" type of boss. It works for me more often than not. Once in a while, some poor fool may take that for being a pushover...then they get the smack down they have coming and you can almost see the light bulb go on over their heads. The ones that have had to learn this lesson will say to their coworkers, "She's cool as long as you do your job. Just don't fuck with her." I'm good with this rep. Kinda proud of it, actually. I still watch my back...don't get me wrong. I've got some real trust issues and carry scars from people who stabbed me in the back by telling outright lies about me. I've had a couple of department heads that wanted to try to give me a little push. "Timid" is not a word that one would use for me and I pushed back. They backed down. I can't really blame them for testing the waters on what the new kid during the week is going to take. They'll learn. I don't want to make any enemies, but I won't take their shit, undeserved, laying down, either.

I love my boss. She's actually the first DON I've actually made a connection with. I hope I am not making a fatal error trusting her, but I actually do. I've had a few Administrators that I've loved, but never a DON. I can tell she actually listens to what I have to say and, after all these years of being treated as if I didn't know shit while I was the weekend Supervisor, it's a very welcomed change. I hadn't realized while I was on the weekends, the last few years, how depressed I'd become. I became apathetic in my job. It seemed that, no matter how hard I tried, I wasn't appreciated...so I stopped trying. Subconsciously, I gave up. I wonder if my (previous) weekend nurses feel that way...even if they don't really realize it. I know they don't feel as if they're part of the team.

I don't know how to fix that.

I never realized how horrible that feels until I wasn't there anymore.

Sad to say

I guess I have to face the fact that my blogging days seem to be coming to an end. Between Facebook and the new job hours, I just can't seem to come up with anything to write anymore that isn't totally redundant and boring. For now, anyway, my writing skills have gone to sleep and are showing no signs of waking up. They've been lacking for some time now, if I'm going to be honest with myself.

I didn't want to just disappear on the few people that still follow me without an explanation, so I will bid you all a farewell and a heartfelt "thank-you" for your support over the past couple of years.

I feel sad over my decision, in a way, and know damn well the minute I post this message something uproariously funny is going to happen for me to blog about...That's the way I roll.

A couple pics to leave you with....the first two is Kevin's first interaction with another little boy (adopted from South Korea and a few months younger than Kevin). Typical toddler play and I was happy to see him being able to play with someone close to his age...The last one is out by our little pond while he was standing among the ferns.