Yeah, I know...

I was struck with the urge to write and the one-liners on FB just don't cut it all the time.




Anyone still out there?



Kevin has really taken off with his talking. I was a little worried for a bit, but now he just says every-damn-thing. You know what that means for me, right? Gotta watch my sailor speak. Not so easy for me, but I'm trying while he's within hearing range.

Mondays are turning out to be rough for him because he gets used to me being home all weekend and then, on Mondays, I'm not. He was walking around looking for me and saying, "Mama?" The last 2 Mondays, he's been cranky for Roni....coincidence? He waits for me at the window when I'm due home, and he has the biggest smile on his face while he's looking out the window when I pull up. He melts my heart.

I still love my new position at work. There have been some challenges trying to change some bad habits of the staff on my floor. I think I'm making progress. I am the "catch more flies with honey, than vinegar" type of boss. It works for me more often than not. Once in a while, some poor fool may take that for being a pushover...then they get the smack down they have coming and you can almost see the light bulb go on over their heads. The ones that have had to learn this lesson will say to their coworkers, "She's cool as long as you do your job. Just don't fuck with her." I'm good with this rep. Kinda proud of it, actually. I still watch my back...don't get me wrong. I've got some real trust issues and carry scars from people who stabbed me in the back by telling outright lies about me. I've had a couple of department heads that wanted to try to give me a little push. "Timid" is not a word that one would use for me and I pushed back. They backed down. I can't really blame them for testing the waters on what the new kid during the week is going to take. They'll learn. I don't want to make any enemies, but I won't take their shit, undeserved, laying down, either.

I love my boss. She's actually the first DON I've actually made a connection with. I hope I am not making a fatal error trusting her, but I actually do. I've had a few Administrators that I've loved, but never a DON. I can tell she actually listens to what I have to say and, after all these years of being treated as if I didn't know shit while I was the weekend Supervisor, it's a very welcomed change. I hadn't realized while I was on the weekends, the last few years, how depressed I'd become. I became apathetic in my job. It seemed that, no matter how hard I tried, I wasn't appreciated...so I stopped trying. Subconsciously, I gave up. I wonder if my (previous) weekend nurses feel that way...even if they don't really realize it. I know they don't feel as if they're part of the team.

I don't know how to fix that.

I never realized how horrible that feels until I wasn't there anymore.