Something is going on with me. I'm not sure what it is, but I've been dizzy/light-headed for the past week and my fatigue factor is through the roof. It actually has me worried enough to have made an appointment with my doctor. I want some labs done and I'm hoping it's something simple to fix 'cause, y'all?, this is getting old pretty quick.
My appointment is Wednesday.
If you have a sec, send me some good thoughts/prayers if you feel inclined.
Every weekend from here on out for another month or so, I'll be a nervous wreck waiting to go into work to peer at the schedule to see if I have enough staff. The anxiety kills me on Fridays.
The reason for this is that I currently have a nurse out on medical leave. She's been out for a few weeks already, but the schedule has been covered up until yesterday with staff who have picked up the time to help save my butt. I'm not delusional and think that they are simply doing it for me, but I've been reaping the benefits anyway. One nurse, in particular, has switched her regular schedule around and has been there for most of the shifts. The bonus is that she's a good nurse. That's always nice. Yesterday she told me that she hasn't been scheduled for any further shifts on the weekend (insert boo-boo face here). They expect this brand new graduate to be able to handle the floor herself regardless of the freakin' fact that they have been told that she isn't ready. I could spit because she'll probably end up quitting and, hello?, I'll be stuck on a floor.
I've almost always liked my job. I've been there for over 12 years. I've done a multitude of positions. I've had some wacky bosses. Still, for the most part, I've liked my job. Even when staff would bitch and moan and carry on, I usually found the bright side. It's always been tough to break my spirit and my loyalty. Right now? Not so much. I'm in a bad place. It's one thing after another that has put me here and not one thing in particular. First off, I've had fabulous relationships with almost all my Administrators in the past. This new one? I don't think he likes me much. I certainly have no bond with him and would never feel comfortable discussing anything that is bothering me with him. Secondly, no matter what logic is put before "them" (I'm not sure who "them" is...could be Corporate, but since I have no "bond" with anyone, I'm out of the loop), "they" will not answer my pleas for an extra nurse on the weekends. Let me set up the scenario for you...during the week, and let's just take last Mondays' schedule as a for instance, they have a shitload of nurses on day shift. There was 5 nurses scheduled, 3 Unit Managers, and a wound nurse. That isn't even looking at all the Management team that is there during the week. My normal schedule on the weekend? Three nurses and me. The role I play on the weekend is not recognized by anyfreakingone. I have played scheduler, social worker, maintenance, ancillary, activities, and my actual job of Supervisor. I have to troubleshoot every problem that may arise in the building and decide if it warrants a call to to the boss (and God forbid that I make the wrong choice there). During the week? They have the DON, Administrator, Social Service Director, Activities Director, Scheduler, Maintenance Director, etc., etc., etc. Did I mention 3 Unit Managers? Yes, it's true, it is busier during the week. There's more admissions (although I do get them, too) and there's way more labs drawn, but they seem to forget that my nurses have the same exact wound treatments and meds to pass as they do during the week. Why do they think they need 5 nurses and a wound nurse during the week and my 3 nurses should be able to do the same work? What. The. Fuck?
Third....oh? You forgot I was counting my reasons off because of that long diatribe? Sorry. Eh-hmm...Third, I have vacation time. Because I've been there forfreakingever, I have quite a bit. It is earned vacation time. It has always been that I simply tell them with plenty of notice when I'm going to take it and that's that. It is my earned time. Now, all of a sudden, it's like pulling teeth to get my time approved. Again, I say...What. The. Fuck? It seems that they think it's OK to hold my approval until they see if it can be covered. Ummm....why is that my problem? That seems to be the scheduler's problem. No? I cannot make any plans, make any reservations, etc., until they deign to sign my request. This is making me so very tense and is one of the things pissing me off more than anything because counting down the weekends until I'm off gets me through a lot of shit at work. Now, I don't even have that much. I'm so depressed. They think that I'll never leave. They're wrong. Push my buttons long enough and even I will break. I left my own family's business after 14 years because I wasn't appreciated as I should have been. I'm loyal and I take a lot of shit in the hopes that things will improve, but I'll only bend over for so long. If they lose me...maybe they won't care...but it just shows how low morale is in there right now. I've never seen the staff so down in all my years there and now? Now I've finally joined them.
I tried to put Kevin on the potty again tonight before his bath and he screamed his bloody little head off. It may have been a bad time to try because he was tired and cranky already...I don't really expect to potty train him already (although I've read about people who are successful this young), but I do want him to start getting used to the idea of sitting on the toilet without freaking out and thinking he's going to fall in.
Terry-I got him to do it yesterday by sitting him on it, while I was holding him, around the time I figured he would need to go (about 1 1/2-2 hours after his last diaper change). I got lucky because his diaper was still dry so I hit the window. When I sat him down, I poured warm water on his inner thigh. He peed almost immediately following that.
That's how I feel because my mama? She's mad at me.
First, let me say that she was told months ago about this issue. The issue? Used car seats of unknown origin. Even though she was told not to buy a used car seat for Kevin, she bought one today. I had to tell her that I would not allow him to go anywhere with her in a used car seat (I'm actually not ready to let him go anywhere with anyone, yet, at all). I tried to be gentle and explain the safety risks, but it was obvious that she was hurt/pissed. We hung up the phone full of tension, but, dammit, I'm not risking his life. I know she doesn't get it and probably thinks I'm being silly. She called back to tell me that the lady who owns the store will give her credit and asked me if there's any rule on cribs because she wants to take him to her house (an hour and a half away!) for a weekend. I could barely answer her because he is nowhere near being ready to leave us for a weekend yet and I know we're not ready for it.
I called my sister to tell her all this and, although she didn't know about the car seat thing, she was aghast that Mom would think it would be a good idea to take him away from us to sleep in a strange place at this point in his life. My sister, bless her, said that it could traumatize him and that if he's still in a crib and not able to communicate his feelings, he's not ready to go. What would go through his mind if he's suddenly taken away and we can't explain it to him or even ask him if he wants to go? Kim (my sister) said she didn't even let her kids go this young and they weren't adopted and hadn't gone through the transitions Kevin has. It could really set him back.
I truly appreciate how much my mom loves him and I don't want to hurt her, but Kevin's well-being comes first.
Kim's calling Mom for me so she can hear the argument against it from an impartial party. I wait with baited breath to hear back.
Today's work on the bathroom was just short of worthless. And I got up before 6AM for it. It included multiple trips to Lowe's which really wasted a ton of time, but we ran into problem after problem. The wiring got done, the drywall on the walls is finally done, the medicine cabinet is up...and that's it. The frickin' hot water pipe is leaking very slowly at the brand new shut off valve. What. The. Frick?! Hours spent between running to buy something to stop it, but on it goes. Why? Why the hell is it leaking? There's nothing complicated about putting it together. it can only go on one way. Screw the valve onto the pipe. That's it. We bought a new valve thinking maybe the other new valve was defective. Nope. That white tape stuff was put on the threads without effect. Some pipe gunk was put on that we were assured would take care of the problem. Still the water is seeping out. There's are only two parts involved. It has to be the pipe coming out of the wall. Right? 'Cept we're going to have to pull the frickin', frickin', frickin' Wainscoting back off to get to it. Gah! If that pipe isn't the problem, I can't even imagine what it could be...
I feel so bad for my father who is doing this all for nothing and is, I'm sure, sick to death of spending his days here. At least he's only here 3 days a week. I just can't do a Monday morning at 6 and Fridays I need to do my running before my weekend of work. I feel like I haven't really been off for weeks.
I have been amused to hear him talking while he's working. His sarcasm and his manner of speaking attest to where I get it (although he doesn't curse nearly as much as I would if it were me running into all these problems). Little things he says when he's talking to himself makes me say, "Wow, he sounds just like me" except I guess it would be me sounding just like him. I never really noticed it before. I guess because my adult relationship with him for 14 years was running the sub shop he owned. This was done straight from my teens so we never really established an adult relationship. It's pretty cool right now.
Tommy has tagged me to tell ten facts about myself. I'll try not to show up my mommy, but it'll be tough 'cause, well, it's obvious isn't it?
1. I am sleeping through the night. Mommy finally figured out that she's better off not waking me up when entering my (our) bedroom if she'd like me to not have a miserable night...even if she needs to sleep on the couch to do it. Sorry Mommy, but you really need to get moving on that addition if you're going to do it.
2. Tommy thinks he's the dancing king, but he doesn't have anything on me. HA! Dancing With The Stars? I'll see you there, Tommy!
3. I love to eat, but I'm so svelte! Mommy is insanely jealous over this. When I really love something that I'm eating I start saying "YUMMM" over and over and bounce up and down while kicking my feet.
4. I'm taking a few steps at a time on occasion, but I'm not really walking yet. It's not that I'm afraid, or anything. I just want everyone to really want it before I reward them with truly walking. I do walk while holding one hand, though...
5. I say "Mommy" and "Noni" clear as a bell regularly. I say other words, but nobody could understand them other than Mommy or Noni. Every time I get my diaper changed I say "di" or "dite" over and over. Every once in a while I'll throw them a bone and say a word clearly only to not say it again. I don't mean to let them know that I can say stuff. I've been trying to keep it a secret, but I slip up once in a while. It drives Mommy nuts.
6. When my diaper is poopy I say, "uckkk". This is said from the throat. Say the word "yuck" and draw out the consonants at the end. That's the sound.
7. I love The Wiggles show more than any other. I do love the music!
8. I take shameless advantage of Noni. She can't bear to hear me cry so I pull it out when Mommy's at work and Noni wants to put me down for a nap. She falls for it almost every time. It doesn't work on Mommy so I rarely even try it with her. I don't know why I do this to Noni. I only make myself miserable, but Oh! The power!
9. When Mommy or Noni is holding me, but not giving me their undivided attention, I will lean forward in their arms and attempt to look toward their face until they look at me and then I give the biggest smile. I'm so darn cute!
10. I'm mostly still taking two naps a day, but am slowly transitioning to one 3 or 4 hour one (I took a 4 hour nap today).
Do you do remodeling in your home? Do you take "before" pictures? You really should because I regret not taking better "before" pictures of this house. In the midst of remodeling our bathroom, I was sitting here in our breakfast nook looking around and remembering the dark, dingy area it was when we moved in. Unfortunately, the only "before" picture I can find isn't really clear as to what it looked like. On the walls was a woodsy scene and I think deer were involved. The bench was brown padded vinyl.
I'm pretty proud of the things we've done with this home. With no previous experience, we two females just did stuff. We tore the breakfast nook apart and put up Wainscoting (not the real stuff that is thick, but the imitation pliable thinner stuff) around the back walls of the bench. Roni made cushions which, unfortunately, we didn't get in the "after" picture and we painted.
On a whim, I laid laminate flooring in the kitchen. Then one day I was wondering what was under the living and dining room carpet. I suspected it was hardwood so I started tearing up the carpeting and, yep, it was hardwood. I tore out the dining room first and then we rented a floor sander (I'm small so I practically rode the thing around the room), stained and polyurethaned it. It looked beautiful so I yanked out the living room carpet and repeated the procedure. After a couple of years, we realized that the dogs were too tough on hardwood so I laid laminated in the living/dining room. I think about the things we've done when we've basically gone in blind and I'm proud. Roni'sFibromyalgia worsened and I lost the mood to tear shit up so, for the last few years, we stopped doing stuff. Doing the bathroom with my dad has given me the bug again to get more stuff done.
In the spirit of documenting the remodeling process...
We only have a half wall of tile to tear off yet and we're saving that for last because the toilet and sink have to come out to do it. In the same day we have to put new flooring in. Naturally on this day I'll need to pee every 2.5 seconds because I won't be able to. Today we bought a new toilet, sink (yes, we decided to ditch the old one), medicine cabinet, faucet, light fixtures, etc. I'm getting really excited and can't wait to see the finished product.
Crap. This would be why I wanted to take my dad and sister through the house. It appears that it may have once been a double wide and then additions put on it. No offer put on it because of that along with the amount of money I'd have to put into it. Dang.
The search continues and thanks for your good wishes...
A couple test shots from the new camera:
I'm so glad I was able to finally get this look with the camera. He cracks us up every time he does it...