Tuesday, June 10, 2008

Have you ever done something so stupid...

...that you wonder how the Powers That Be allow you to continue to exist?

I hate when I do something incredibly stupid. I pride myself on my intelligence, foresight, and planning.

Today I did something that has left me playing the scenario over and over again in my head. I'll start you off with a picture of the outcome of my ineptitude:

That, my friends, is a picture of the driver's side door of my van after I fixed it enough to shut the door. It was worse.

I guess I should count myself lucky that that is all that was damaged and not, you know, me getting crushed under the car, or, even worse, Kevin getting hurt, or even my freakin' house blowing up and leaving all of us singing with the angels.

Let me set the stage...

As usual on Tuesdays, Kevin and I went to get groceries. I decided to pick up take-out on the way home for dinner. As I pulled in my driveway, instead of parking at the end of it to unload my groceries, I had forgotten I had them and pulled all the way in the back. I remembered before we got out of the van so I pulled back out, turned the van around in the street and pulled in at the end of my driveway. I had already turned the AC off when I was parking in the back and, since it was hot as all get-out today and Kevin was still strapped in his car seat, I reached over and turned it back on. I then climbed out of the van and started walking behind it to unload the food when I noticed out of the corner of my eye that the van was moving. I had not put it in park! Now, there isn't even comfortable walking space between a car and the house when a car is parked in the driveway in a normal situation and this was not a normal situation.

In my usual eloquent manner, I thought to myself, #1 "My baby!" and then "Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck" as I was running along side the van while trying to open the door. The car was veering toward my house as I grabbed the handle and ripped the door open. Just as I opened the door and squeezed my body on the inside of the door, the door hit the gas meter and squished me between the door and the van. On it kept veering as I hear a loud scraping/crunching sound. On went my mantra of "fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck" while I'm thinking, "I gotta stop this before it hits the house". I got one leg in the van and half an ass on the seat and slammed on the brakes and threw it in park. The van was literally inches from my house. The Hostas have an interesting new shape to them. If the storm we are having at the moment doesn't wipe away the evidence, I'll try to get a pic of the trail of destruction so you can see how close to the house I was...

I do have to be grateful that something made me decide to turn the van around facing away from the road or the van would have rolled right into traffic with Kevin inside and me running beside it. God only knows how that would have turned out.

I would never have been able to live with myself if I was the cause of something happening to him. No way.

ETA: Here are some pics of the poor Hostas. Keep in mind for the last picture that that was where my tire stopped. The front of my van was damn near touching my house.


Melissa said...

Unfortunately I have been known to do something just that stupid! I'm glad you and Kevin are both okay.

I wanted to invite you to my now private blog but didn't have your email. If you are interested, let me know.


Baby John's Crib said...


Glad both you and Kevin are okay - houses and cars can be fixed, and hostas regrown; the important thing is that you guys are safe!

Donna said...

Yep - been there on many occassions. Well, maybe not "many" - but inmy case, I had (thankfully) left the door open and was able to hop back in "easily."

So glad you all are okay and sorry your van took a hit!