Monday, April 14, 2008

In trouble

That's how I feel because my mama? She's mad at me.


First, let me say that she was told months ago about this issue. The issue? Used car seats of unknown origin. Even though she was told not to buy a used car seat for Kevin, she bought one today. I had to tell her that I would not allow him to go anywhere with her in a used car seat (I'm actually not ready to let him go anywhere with anyone, yet, at all). I tried to be gentle and explain the safety risks, but it was obvious that she was hurt/pissed. We hung up the phone full of tension, but, dammit, I'm not risking his life. I know she doesn't get it and probably thinks I'm being silly. She called back to tell me that the lady who owns the store will give her credit and asked me if there's any rule on cribs because she wants to take him to her house (an hour and a half away!) for a weekend. I could barely answer her because he is nowhere near being ready to leave us for a weekend yet and I know we're not ready for it.

I called my sister to tell her all this and, although she didn't know about the car seat thing, she was aghast that Mom would think it would be a good idea to take him away from us to sleep in a strange place at this point in his life. My sister, bless her, said that it could traumatize him and that if he's still in a crib and not able to communicate his feelings, he's not ready to go. What would go through his mind if he's suddenly taken away and we can't explain it to him or even ask him if he wants to go? Kim (my sister) said she didn't even let her kids go this young and they weren't adopted and hadn't gone through the transitions Kevin has. It could really set him back.

I truly appreciate how much my mom loves him and I don't want to hurt her, but Kevin's well-being comes first.

Kim's calling Mom for me so she can hear the argument against it from an impartial party. I wait with baited breath to hear back.


Terry said...

Do we have the same mom?

Mine did the same a used seat to use when we visit her so I wouldn't have to move the seat from our car every time we go somewhere (we always take her car for some reason). AND...she got it at a YARD SALE!! I told her as nicely as possible that I wouldn't let Tommy ride in it. It hurt her feelings and she pouted for a while, but got over it. She got another (new) seat and before I would let Tommy ride in it, I had to see the box and receipt (she's a tricky little thing so I wanted proof).

And oh my goodness...we're leaving Tommy Saturday night for the first time. I am more than stressed out, but I also need a little break. I wouldn't let Tommy stay anywhere but our house so my mom (whom he adores) is coming here for the weekend. We're even leaving town....going to New Orleans which is an hour away. Hoping that there isn't a major set back. But he WILL NOT be staying at ANYONE'S house other than our's without me probably until he's old enough for sleep overs at friends.

Oh God! I'm stressed out about'll be reading about it on the blog shortly.


Laurie & Damian said...

I agree that he's too young to go for overnights away from you. There is no way Theo would do that and my mom is here every other weekend helping with the new baby and he totally knows her. Routine and predictability is very important at this age.

Baby John's Crib said...

I agree with you on both counts!

My parents live out of state, and when John first came home, whenever they were in town, they wanted to babysit - we let them, but it wasn't until John asleep. What a fun night for Grandma & Grandpa, watching a sleeping baby. At least they didn't complain about it.

How's the bathroom coming?

Pug & I said...

Eeek - I got a little paranoid just reading your post. I don't have kids, but I think that when I do, I'm not going to let them out of my sight for a second. I mean, it's a baby. A delicate baby. And there are a thousand things out there that could hurt it physically and mentally, and it's up to ME to protect him.
I have a feeling you guys are a little less paranoid, having had Kevin for a while and realizing that, no, he's not going to break. But still. Totally get your concern. :)

MaryJo said...

My boys have had sleepovers at their grandparents without us but it was only after I was completely convinced that they'd be fine with it and that they were totally safe. It was a bit different because we go out to their house almost every Sunday and we've all spent the night there many times. Other than being home, their grandparents' house is the place they're most comfortable.

I'd say Kyle was home about 16 months and Grant 9 before I let them do a sleepover at their grandparents without me.

Let us know how the chat with your mom goes.

samantha- mama to julian said...

ouch, that's tough.

i just keep reminding myself that when i am doing something opposite from my mom's instinct and what she did with me that somehow she must feel like i think she did it wrong.

hope your sister can broker some understanding. i know my sis helped a lot to explain the attachment issues in adoption that for some reason my folks just couldn't hear from me directly.

do you know about the website? they have some great articles i was able to send family when our son came home...