This sucks, but on the bright side...

Well, it's been 3 nights since the weekend and, on all 3 nights, Kevin is waking up crying about an hour after I put him to bed. I have to go upstairs and hold him until he calms and goes back to sleep. Apparently, I've made an error in judgement and should have had Roni putting him to bed sometimes rather than hogging that to myself since he came home. Now we have issues.

On the bright side, I spoke with my HS SW today to set up the follow-up appointment and, while I was on the phone with him, I told him about how Kevin was this weekend and how he's having trouble at bedtime now. He said, "That's actually very good. I take that as a good sign that he's bonded with you and it's very age appropriate." I asked him if it would be better if he was up in the morning before I left for work so he, at least, sees me for a few minutes each day rather than me disappearing for a couple of days and he said yes. He also told me to allow Roni to put him to bed a couple days a week. I know I've been selfish about the bedtime routine, but I really thought it was working so well. We all eat dinner together, but Roni feeds him during dinner. She bathes him and gets him in his PJs and I take him to bed and get up with him during the night. Either one of us feed him his breakfast and lunch, but I put him down for his naps. I thought it was a good routine that was working so well, but I guess we need to switch off and take turns so he doesn't get so messed up. Only 2 nights left until the weekend and he's still messed up from last weekend. Like I said...this sucks.

Oh, boy, that was tough

Not only did I have the weekend from hell at work where the running joke from everyone was "Ha! Welcome back!", it was a tough one for me, Kevin and Roni. I put him to bed Friday night and, literally, did not see him again until this morning. He did pretty well all day Saturday. That being said, he was, apparently, a whiny mess on Sunday. Only took one nap and, well, let me put it this way...he greeted me when I came home at 12:30AM. As happy as we were to see each other, I have to be honest and say that I was so tired that I was dizzy. I hugged him and kissed him for a few minutes and then attempted to put him to bed. He wasn't going to let me off that easy. All he knew was that I disappeared on him for more than two days and he didn't know where I was or why I left or if I was even coming back. I made my way, whimpering I might add, back upstairs to try to soothe him. I found him sitting in his crib crying his little heart out. I picked him up and held him to me. He tried to push me away a couple times, but I just kept holding him until he snuggled his head on my shoulder and fell asleep in my arms. He finally gave a deep, contented sigh that I figured meant he was in a deep sleep. I glanced at the crib and realized that I forgot to drop the rail in my haste to stop the crying when I picked him up out of the crib. Damn. Damn. Damn. At that moment I threw up a blessing of thanks to whoever invented the rail that drops with one hand. I laid him in his crib while he stayed asleep at 1AM. He was up by 7:45. Unbelievable.

It has come along already

This Saturday I head back to work and, in effect, will not see my son from Friday night until Monday. I hope this doesn't set him back with his adjustment/attachment. I'm just so sad.

A tender moment

Snuggling with Kevin. Giving him kisses. Awww, he giving me a ki....OW! Fuck! He just bit me!

If I'd had a BB gun...

...or a pellet gun, or a .22, or, you know, a double-barrel shotgun, my neighbor would currently be minus one security light on her house. There I was sleeping the sleep of the weary when, at 12:35AM, a blinding bright light was shining through my 2nd story bedroom window. My first instinct was to roll off my bed, slather camouflage on my face, dress in black, grab my Rambo knife, stick it in my teeth, and belly crawl to Kevin's crib to save him from the helicopter with the spotlight and gunners ready to spew bullets through my window and rain carnage down on my household. After all, what the fuck else could it be? Yeah. It was my neighbor's security light. Which, BTW, is brighter than the sun and more difficult to look into than an eclipse. I put my sunglasses on and looked down into her driveway to see if anyone was fucking with her Jag or trying to get into her house, or if anyone was rappelling down the side of my house. Nothing. After about 10 minutes, it turned off. At 2AM, it turned on again! Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. I, again, squelched my urge to act like I was in the Special Ops and put the pillow over my head. At 4:30, again it happened. This time Kevin woke up and started screaming. No doubt, he started having the same feelings of survival as I because he was clutching his little camouflage hat in his hands when I went to him. He would not go back to sleep. The light did not go off this time, either. Finally, after about 45 minutes, it dawned on me (Give me a break. I had a rough night) to cover the freakin' window with a blanket. The very second the window was covered, Kevin finally shut the hell up and fell asleep. I'm leaving that thing up there for now....

My boy is full of 'tude

This cracks me up every time. You can't really see them, but, on the other side of this gate are the two big dogs and they're barking. Kevin just does not give a shit.

In other news: I am up for "best humor blog". I have no chance in hell of winning because there are some hysterical bloggers out there, but, not to sound pathetic or anything, if you'd like to vote for me, click on the thingy on the right and then click the "vote" button. You do have to register, but it only takes a sec. Thanks to whoever voted for me, already!

My poor fish

I need to do something about my pond. Oh, now, it's not a big ol' pond. It's not even a natural pond. It's a little hole that Roni and I dug and placed a pre-formed plastic thang (that is not a typo) in it shortly after buying this house. I think it's about 8'x5' (ish). Anyway. When we first put it in, we bought 4 Comets and we got a bullfrog tadpole. That tadpole was huge. We watched it grow and grow and start to form legs. I used to worry that I was going to hear a knock on the back door one day and open it to find one big mother fucking frog standing there like something out of a B horror movie. The tadpole did manage to turn into a frog without paying a visit to my doorstep, but then he disappeared! Where the hell did he go? We live in the freakin' city. It's not like there was a whole lot of choices for him...the 4 Comets were all found floating belly up one day. Fine the day before, belly up the next. We think, but cannot prove, that the neighbors gardeners sprayed some damn poison in her yard that drifted into the pond. I loved those Comets. Yeah, I'm a freak, but I've told you that I'm an animal lover already. They were tame and I used to hand feed them. Yes. I hand fed my fish. I actually cried when I found them floating in the pond. What adult cries over goldfish?! God, I'm annoying even to myself sometimes. After they died, I drained the pond and bought some Fantails. One got picked off by some renegade wildlife (I found the carnage) during the winter months. At least one of the other ones had babies. I was so excited when I saw the itty bitty things swimming around in the pond that it actually brought tears to my eyes (I think I'm peri-menopausal with all the tearing up that I've been doing the last couple of years...it's so damn annoying to be so emotional! I don't know how you weepy types have done it all your lives). Anyway. The years went by with an average of one fish per winter being killed by something (there is a suspicious cat that I've seen skulking around the pond in the winter). This year I was (and still am) down to one of the original Fantails. He(?) is the only one left. His name is Marco and he was the very first one that excited the plastic bag when I put it into the pond. He's watched his buddies get picked off one by one and I hope he's been taking notes to protect himself. I meant to get him some friends this summer, but with the adoption, I never got around to it. Now I feel guilty. I've been ignoring him terribly. Do fish have emotions?

This kid could NEVER sleep on someone's bed yet!

We went to "family dinner" at my sister's house today. Kevin was in one of his "screw napping" moods this morning which means he was an absolute delight! while visiting. Everyone always suggests we "lay him on the bed" to nap at their house. HA! Not possible. I'll show you why...

Last weekend I took Kevin to meet my dad and his wife...They were quite smitten with him. You may wonder why this was the first time they've met...or maybe not...but, anyway, maybe someday I'll write about my relationship with my father...or maybe not. Gotta be in one of "those" moods for that tale. Regardless: Meet my father and his wife:

I'm actually in a kinda funk right now. I've been contemplating stopping blogging, but I don't want to do anything rash until I figure out if this is just a passing "mood", or not. My readership crashed after the adoption was completed. I have some "diehards" (love you guys!), but whoo! the rush of blogging and seeing those numbers was inspiring. Now, not so much. I know, I know, I'm not supposed to be blogging for that reason. Blah, blah, blah. I don't know...we'll see. Maybe I just need to re-center myself and get back to how it was when I first started blogging and didn't have those numbers. It's hard to do, though. Do you keep stats? How would you react if your number were cut more than in half?

I love this!

My mom bought Kevin this outfit and I just love it...

He's crawling pretty well now. He managed to make it to me today with a distance of about 5 feet. I thought about backing up, but didn't want to frustrate the boy. Here's some action shots getting to a toy...

Some "outside" shots...that is not my grass that needs cut. ahem.

Sometimes I feel just so silly

Like now, just for a for instance. It was 9AM today and Kevin was ready to go for his nap, but, dammit, the Backyardigans were coming on! So. I put him to down in his crib and came back downstairs to watch it! I just love that show. It's embarrassing, already.

Giddy-up, my ASS!

Yeah. Around 2AM, Kevin woke up. That's not unusual. He normally wakes up, takes some bottle and goes right back to sleep. When he woke up last night, he didn't WANT his bottle. Uh-oh. That's never a good sign. That usually means I'm in for a night of holy hell. I changed him even though he didn't need changed, but I was shooting arrows in the dark hoping against all hope that I could prevent the meltdown that was about to come. I turned on the musical mobile with the pretty lights and stars and shit that project onto the ceiling. He loves this thing, but it only stays on for, like, 5 mother fucking minutes. Why would the makers of this item do this to me?! We bought it at a consignment shop so we have no instructions. If there's a way to make it stay on longer, I can't figure it out. The second it shut off he started screaming like somebody was putting a hot branding iron to him. I picked him up. Now, here's where I have to tell you how Kevin was, apparently, a cowboy in another life. Lately, he's been trying to steer us and make us go like he's riding a freakin' horse. He kicks his heels against me, pats me with his hand and leans. Kinda cute in the daytime. Not so much at 3AM. When I picked him up, he proceeded to try to ride me. I said to him, and I quote, "Giddy-up my ass, boy!". Why, yes, yes I did. As if he could understand me, or some damn thing. I'm sorry, but there is no way in hell I was taking him downstairs and him thinking that this was cool with me and, hot damn! we'll have a party every night! I held him for a bit and then put him back in his crib, whereupon he had a bleedin' temper tantrum. I left the room and came downstairs. Oh, yes I did. He yelled...not cried...for about 15 minutes and then, blessedly, fell asleep. Bad Mommy, but, shit, he just wanted to play and I am not going there in the middle of the night, nuh-uh. No way. I got back to bed at about 4AM.

Blowing Raspberries

This would be the result of doing same...peas everywhere (click on the picture to get the full effect)! (the smile is the result of Roni singing Baa Baa Black Sheep...not sure why he likes that song so much...):

Hmmm...the potential for weight gain kinda scares me...

So there's a new med out for Diabetics (Type 1 or 2, I take it). I'm a Type 1 and have been for most of my life. I was diagnosed at 10 and I'm now 43. It's really all I know. For the past I-don't-know-how-many years, I've been on a long acting insulin (24 hour) for my baseline and a short acting that I take whenever I eat something, or if I need coverage. Now, think about that a minute. Since I have to take a shot every time I eat something, it has been a huge deterrent to, well, eat. Most days I only eat dinner. Unless my sugar drops, I eat no snacks (or breakfast or lunch). I do occasionally have a snack at night because that's when I take the long acting insulin and can usually get away without a second shot (can you tell I have this all figured out?), but, since Kevin's been home, I haven't had too many of those for lack of time.

Here's the thing...the new med is a short acting puffer. No shot! At first I was all WooHoo! No shot! I can eat whatever and whenever without taking a shot! Then I started thinking about it. Uh-oh...no shot...I can eat whatever and whenever I want. Whoop! Whoop! Whoop! Danger! Danger! Danger!

Hmmm...

This is BIG, people!

My concession to Hallo-freakin'-ween...Notice that it's not actually carved. I couldn't get a decent picture to save my life. He was too busy trying to roll the thing around like it was a ball.

So Cassie made off with his binkie...

Looks like the #2 picture is the clear cut winner! Now...I'm not sure what I'm going to do with that information...

Today I went and applied for Kevin's Social Security card. For once, something was easy. Bing-bada-boom and I should get it in 7-10 days. This was my first priority in post-adoption world...as I'm sure you can tell by it taking me only a month and a half to get it done. Not bad for a procrastinator. Money is a huge motivator. Gotta have that to claim him this year. WooHoo! Yeah, baby. I need that money to get the addition put on my house so he can get the hell out of my room have his own room eventually. You know so I can eat my peanut butter cups in peace! so he can have his own little space.

The Recognition of Foreign Adoption/name change will have to wait for another day. I actually shot over to the courthouse to do that, too, since the SS thing went so well. Problem was that, when I got there, I was like a deer in the headlights. I knew I had to go to the Orphans Court and I waltzed on up there only to be standing in a hallway with closed doors all around. Nobody to greet my ass or tell me where the hell I was supposed to go. These were the big-ass doors like you see on a courtroom on TV. I wasn't about to just open it and walk in. I kept envisioning opening the door to an ongoing court case and having a room full of people turn and glare at me and the audacity that I had to do such a thing. A room full of strangers turning to look at me isn't something I fondly dream of in the best of circumstances. Apparently, Roni tells me, this is exactly what you're supposed to do. She said there's an area within those doors that there's somebody sitting at that will help you. Well...how is anyone supposed to know that?! Would it be so freakin' difficult to have a bloody sign somewhere, or, heaven bless us, a person somewhere to direct you that's not hidden behind some big, scary, intimidating doors?!

So, now I have to wait until I can kick my procrastinating ass back into gear and get back over there again. Sigh.

I'm gonna try this voting thing again...

...even though it was like pulling teeth from y'all last time. I'm hoping maybe you're not quite as shy by now?

I'm going to post several versions of the same pic ('cause I was bored and was playing with the software). Not one of them is the original because, well, I hate it. Tell me which one you like, if any.

#1

#2

#3

In other news...Kevin crawled two ?steps? today for the first time! Without crying! And whining! in frustration. Then he whined when he fell on his face belly. I was so proud. Behold the pics...

Doesn't he just look exhausted?

Mama needs a new camera

..and, dammit, I wish it would get here already! I had to try to take this pic of Kevin when he is sleeping at night. Naturally, the idea of using the flash was completely out of the question...I'm no fool, people. I'm hoping that the new camera that is ordered will do better, but, damn! This melts me every time....

It's just the way I am...

Some of you who are quite astute have probably picked up on the fact that I am a sarcastic, smart-mouthed, put-a-sailor-to-shame-with-my-language type of gal. That's me. Not everyone gets it, but most do. I have people very close to me in my life that don't know when I'm kidding. Most of my family doesn't get me, at times. My sister would probably have read the last post and have called my mother worried that I was going to tape Kevin's mouth shut. I am so different from my family, it's truly unbelievable. Maybe I should tone it down, but it's who I am. Probably because I learned many years ago that I can usually make people laugh. I like that. If I'm in the company of people who I sense aren't going to find my humor to their liking, I do tone it down. I do. Pretty much to the extent that I'm painfully quiet and shy. I started out this blog pretty tame, but, as I kept blogging, I decided to let myself loose and be who I am. It's easy enough to not read my stuff if it turns you off...right?

That being said...I have to take a moment to be serious and say that my love for Kevin is unbelievable...yeah, sure, days like yesterday morning are enough to damn near make me lose my mind and, yeah, there are times when I have to set him in his crib and walk away for a few minutes, but most times I am overwhelmed with my intense feelings for him. When I go to get him out of his crib and he smiles so big at me, or when I walk in a room and he smiles and puts his arms out (he actually puts his arms out to the sides rather than up or forward and I find that so endearing), when he's laughing when we're playing, when he puts his little pout on, when he mimics me, when he puts those extremely slobbery, wet kisses on me...just all the little moments of the day. I just hold him and kiss him and thank God that He saw fit to bring him to me.

I pray for all those families still waiting for their babies...

Oh, my LORD!

First off...thanks, Zoot, for commenting! You are one of my favorite bloggers and I felt a little like I got an autograph from a rock star. Thank-you, too, Rach. You always rock.

On to my day from hell...

Kevin, the cute little whippersnapper that he is, was in a foul, foul mood today. Foul, I tell ya. Linda Blair comes to mind. He woke up smiling, as usual, and that lasted for 1 1/2 hours. After that, well, let's just say that the whiningandcryingnevermotherfuckingstopped. He flatly refused to take his first nap, which is normally about 2 hours after he gets up. It's not because he wasn't tired. Oh no. That would've been fine and I wouldn't have been ready to rundownthestreetnakedandscreaming. We tried everything I could think of to please him...

We tried holding him:

The swing:

The Exersaucer:

The other swing:

The basket of toys:

And the rest....:

I wanted to try these...:

...But Roni wouldn't let me.

Even the dogs are exhausted!

He finally, finally, finally took a nap at 12:30PM. 'Cause y'all? If I would've had to run down the street naked and screaming? That. That would've really given my neighbors something to talk about.

Now? Now he's woken up again. Say a prayer for me, will ya?