Tuesday, October 23, 2007

If I'd had a BB gun...

...or a pellet gun, or a .22, or, you know, a double-barrel shotgun, my neighbor would currently be minus one security light on her house. There I was sleeping the sleep of the weary when, at 12:35AM, a blinding bright light was shining through my 2nd story bedroom window. My first instinct was to roll off my bed, slather camouflage on my face, dress in black, grab my Rambo knife, stick it in my teeth, and belly crawl to Kevin's crib to save him from the helicopter with the spotlight and gunners ready to spew bullets through my window and rain carnage down on my household. After all, what the fuck else could it be? Yeah. It was my neighbor's security light. Which, BTW, is brighter than the sun and more difficult to look into than an eclipse. I put my sunglasses on and looked down into her driveway to see if anyone was fucking with her Jag or trying to get into her house, or if anyone was rappelling down the side of my house. Nothing. After about 10 minutes, it turned off. At 2AM, it turned on again! Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. I, again, squelched my urge to act like I was in the Special Ops and put the pillow over my head. At 4:30, again it happened. This time Kevin woke up and started screaming. No doubt, he started having the same feelings of survival as I because he was clutching his little camouflage hat in his hands when I went to him. He would not go back to sleep. The light did not go off this time, either. Finally, after about 45 minutes, it dawned on me (Give me a break. I had a rough night) to cover the freakin' window with a blanket. The very second the window was covered, Kevin finally shut the hell up and fell asleep. I'm leaving that thing up there for now....

4 comments:

rachel said...

L.M.A.O. I can totally see what you were saying playing out in my head!

YYYEEEAAAHHHH, that would have been great, ugh! I hope you have a better night :D

P.S. I would definalty not smile as much without your blog ;)

Rhonda said...

Ok, did all that sign up crap JUST so I could vote for you!

Want to borrow our BB gun??? LOL
Don't ya just love those so called safety lights that go off when a squirrel runs by!

Rhonda

Kristen and the Gang said...

LMFAO.....Go get them!!! I can't stand my neighbors either...do it for all of us with neighbors...go kick their asses!!!!!

Terry said...

This, my dear, is why you need to keep blogging...and why you were nominated for best humoe blog.

Thanks for the laugh! But sorry you missed out on sleep. If it happens tonight, I dare you to walk over there with a very tall ladder and take the thing down. Please! Now THAT would make for a funny ending! :)

Terry