He deserves his own post

I'm so tired that I know I won't be able to do this post justice. I want it to have meaning. Be eloquent. I won't be able to pull it off, but it's his birthday and he deserves the attempt.

One year ago today, on a Sunday at 6AM Guatemala time (7AM EST last year), just at the moment I was punching in for work, my baby boy was born and I had no idea.

I had waited for him for so long. I started out attempting to get pregnant by artificial insemination. For 9 months I tried and suffered at least one definite chemical pregnancy. My heart about broke when I lost that pregnancy and I asked God "why?". I tried and tried again and actually got multiple very light positive pregnancy tests, but, in the end, my monthly cycle showed up every month. My buddies on the message board (FF) were such a strong source of support to me. They cheered the pics of my tests and gave me virtual hugs when, inevitably, my period showed up. I cried so much during this time and kept asking God if He didn't think I should be a mom. He was answering me, but I wasn't hearing what He was saying just yet. I finally got some blood work and the numbers showed that, basically, my eggs were just too few and too old. I waited too long. By the time I heard my clock ticking, it was too late.

I only wanted to be a mom. I never wanted to be pregnant. I just didn't think that I'd be "allowed" to adopt since I'm "single". I started to look into it a little more and found out on that same message board that Guatemala might be an option. I searched for, and found, a message board specifically about Guatemala adoptions. I learned so much from the people on that board and I will be forever in debt to them for the information and the support I got from them. My agency was recommended by the people on that board.

I contacted my agency and signed on soon after. Shannon, my caseworker, is an absolute doll. I jumped in with both feet and ran into another glitch. The paperchase turned into a nightmare and my agency told me they'd have to cut me loose-at least temporarily and possibly permanently. I was crushed and thought my dream of being a mom was over. Again I questioned God, but He knew what He was doing. I was ready to throw in the towel, but Roni wouldn't let me. Although I didn't really have an agency, I kept on with the paperchase. Three weeks later, my agency called me and told me they were never really comfortable with their decision which is why I never received any termination paperwork from them. I was elated and charged forward again. The next thing that happened was that my homestudy social worker took forever to wrap things up and my homestudy, that was done in September, was not submitted until November. I was gnashing my teeth in frustration. Finally I got my approval from USCIS and submitted my dossier to my agency. This is where the next problem happened. The doctor's reports for Roni, Katie, and me had to be redone because the papers were all smudged. My head was banging against a wall at this point. He knew what He was doing. After they were corrected, I was on the waiting list for my son as of 12/15/06. History showed that boys were always a pretty quick referral and I had no doubt that I wanted a boy. I waited. No phone call in December. I waited. No phone call in January. For the first time, there was a waiting list for boys. Finally, on 2/5/07, the call came. My beautiful son was born 8 days earlier. I thanked God for "unanswered prayers" at that point. I was sorry I ever doubted Him. He was right. This was my son.

We love him so much.

Happy birthday baby boy. You were definitely worth the wait.