I have to lead in with this. You will soon understand why.
Cassie (the Pug) was not feeling well earlier today. This is evidenced by her laying around and not wanting to eat or go outside to do her "business". She does this once in a while...probably from something she ate the day before. I decided to pick her up from the couch and carry her outside because she normally starts feeling better after she "goes". Well, it worked and she was more herself after a little while.
Fast forward----->Kevin woke up from his nap at 12:15PM. I prepared his lunch and started feeding him. Cassie, now that she was feeling better, came over to her spot under Kevin's highchair to beg for food. I finished feeding Kevin and lifted him out of his highchair and put him on the floor. While I was putting the dirty dishes in the sink, Kevin and Cassie headed off into the living room together.
This is how fast the horror happened!
I walked back into the dining room and Cassie came running out of the living room and sat under Kevin's highchair. Something was off. I looked at her and said, "What's the matter?" (yes, I talk to my Pug as if she's human) "Do you have to go out?". I peeked into the living room to check on Kevin before letting Cassie out and...HOLY SHIT! Kevin was sitting in the middle of the floor happily running his right hand through something liquid. I actually felt my head blow off my shoulders. I ran toward him, while carrying my head under my arm, saying in a plaintive voice "no, no, no, no, no" and then popped my head back on so I could pick my baby up out of the liquid shit. I held my sweet, shit-smelling, child at arms length while chanting fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck. Meanwhile, Cassie hasn't been left back out yet and she still needs to go! I didn't know whether to shit or go blind. I stripped Kevin of his clothes all the while thanking God he was in something easy to get off (read: I didn't have to hold him against me and, basically, practically levitated him in midair while taking his clothes off). I set him on the kitchen floor and ran over to the door to let Cassie out before there was any more damage done to my delicate senses, while keeping one eye on Kevin and praying that he did not stick his hands in his ever-lovin' mouth. The poor child then got disinfected. I briefly contemplated spraying him with Lysol. Okay...I kid. I didn't have any name brand Lysol. Only generic. Oh, I kid again.
So....how was your day?