Thursday, December 27, 2007

Sorry I've been MIA...

Well, that sounds kinda arrogant. As if you've been waiting with baited breath for my next posting, or something.

Last year, at this time, I was on the referral waiting list and going nuts waiting for the call. Naturally, it took much longer than it normally does for a boy. Girl after girl was being born and I had no idea that he wouldn't even be born for another month. I was convinced that he'd be home long before Christmas of this year and predicted (I know that was silly) that he'd be home at the end of August. Early September at the latest. I pegged it exactly (go me).

I find myself thinking of his birth mother this month quite a bit. Her birthday was on the 9th...2 days before mine...and I honored her quietly on that day. This Christmas she is without the baby she gave birth to 11 months ago and I'm sad for her. I often wonder how she is doing. I have a mailing address for her and think about sending her pictures (she did tell my agency that she would be open to that) and wonder if she sincerely wants them or if it would be too painful for her. I've read that the USPS isn't the best way to go if you want to mail to Guatemala, but don't know what is the best way to go that won't cost me an arm and a leg because I'm still trying to dig out of the financial stress I put on myself when I took 9 weeks off of work to be home with Kevin.

Sometimes it seems like Kevin's been here forever and, at other times, I actually think about it and realize that it's only been 4 months. I am one of those people who can say that the pain of my infertility and the stress of the adoption process has disappeared from my life. If I actually think about it, I can remember it, but, on a day to day basis, it has melted away. For that, I am grateful. I feel so complete. Finally. Complete.

Kevin's first Christmas was rather anticlimactic, if I'm to be honest. He's too young to get excited and/or know what it's about. He had no idea what to do with the wrapped gifts, although he liked his new toys. We went to my brother's for our dinner, as always. There were 13 of us there. I don't know if I've mentioned this, but my family can be quite loud. Some louder than others. OK....all of them are considerably louder than Roni or I. A Xanax wouldn't hurt when walking into a room full of them. Two of the family members (nieces) hadn't met Kevin yet and people were clamoring over each other to get to him. The one niece (17) asked if she could hold him and I told her she could try, but he looked a little like a deer caught in oncoming headlights. Sure enough, he started crying and we had to take him to a quiet place in the house so he could gather himself. Roni took him into the living room while everyone was in the kitchen getting their plates filled and gave him a few bites of a cookie. Brilliant, I tell ya! By the times she gave him those and entered the kitchen to have him sit on her lap for meal time, he was much more acclimated to the ruckus. It doesn't hurt that he also loves to eat, so sitting down at the dinner table was the perfect way to let him look around at everyone while they were yapping and not trying to get at him. He did well after that as long as one of us was in sight. He even briefly crawled away on the living room floor while gifts were being opened, although it was only a few feet and he came right back. All in all, I think he did rather well.

I hope everyone had happy holidays...whatever holiday you observe.


Baby John's Crib said...

Glad to hear your holiday went smoothly. At 16 months, John really had no clue what was going on, either. Hopefully next year.......

Terry said...

Sounds like our thoughts are the same this holiday season.

Glad you all had a wonderful Christmas!


Kathy said...

Wait until next year!! Christmas will be a blast. My son had no clue last year but loved everything about Christmas this year (lights, songs, presents, etc).

My thoughts are often with John's birthmother too.