The stealth involved

I believe that I've mentioned before that, while reading before bed, I enjoy 2 Reese's Peanut Butter cups for purely therapeutic reasons.

I also share a room with Kevin. The boy is a light sleeper. Do you have any idea how loud those wrappers are on those, sent from heaven, pieces of medicinal candy (that's my story, people...they are therapeutic, and I'm sticking with it)? Not to mention they all but superglue the wrapper together in the back. Everything about getting to the actual candy is noisy. The bag that they're in? Noisy? The outer wrapper? Noisy. The paper cup that the candy sits in? Noisy.

Picture it. I stealthily open my bedside drawer. Yes, I keep them in my nightstand. You can close your mouth now. I reach into the bag...*crinkle, pause, crackle, pause, crinkle*. I pull them out victoriously and set them down gently while I open my book. I pick up one of the noisy fuckers and turn it over. I try to slide my finger under the outer wrapper, but it's stuck together better than some cars I've known...I try to pull it apart...*crinkle, pause, hear Kevin stir, hold breath, he settles back down, crackle, pause, crinkle* The outer wrapper is off! But, that's not the end my friends. No sir. I still have to get the cup out of the paper holder it's in. It doesn't just slide out. Noooo. The ridges on the sides hold it firm. Firm, I tell ya. *crinkle, pause, crackle, Kevin stirs, wait, crinkle, Kevin whimpers, but it's loose!* Even setting the wrappers down is freaking noisy. I eat the first one. This takes more time than normal people because I eat the chocolate around the edges and then peel off the top chocolate and then the bottom chocolate until I have mainly just the peanut butter center. Yummy. Now, remember, I have to do this twice. So, the whole thing starts all over again....*crinkle, crackle, crinkle, with pauses, whimpers, and stirring of Kevin going on throughout*. It's sooo not relaxing, but it's so worth it.