Saturday, September 8, 2007

Please don't think I'm horrible

I thought about not posting this because I know some people may judge me poorly for the decision I felt I had to make. As a matter of fact, I read someone's blog last night, of all nights, that addresses this same issue and it had me in tears.

I was fearing for Kevin's safety and made one of the toughest, heartbreaking choices I've ever had to make. Up until yesterday, I had 3 dogs. A Rottie, a Border Collie and a Pug. I've written about them before and I spoke of the fear I had about the Rottie and her reaction to Kevin. I got the Rottie from the SPCA a little over 5 years ago. That fact is important because, if you get a dog from the SPCA, you must sign a contract spelling out what you can and cannot do with the dog. If you are to ever give it up, you MUST return it to them and only them. Carly's reaction to Kevin is what I feared it would be. She's a 100lb dog that was busting down the baby gates to try to get to him. She didn't appear to be aggressive, but she's so big that I feared for Kevin. Before we went on the p/u trip she was showing some personality changes where she'd be aggressive towards the Pug. We took her to the vet who tried her on some medication, but it made no difference. Yesterday, I returned her to the SPCA. My hope is that she believes she's being kenneled as she's been many times before. I sit here with tears streaming down my face, but I believe that I had to do it. For Kevin. I couldn't wait to see if she would harm him. It would be too late at that point and I wouldn't be able to live with myself. I'm having a hard enough time right now.

I'm so sorry, Carly.


Kristen and the Gang said...

Welcome Home, Kevin!!

Don't feel bad...we as moms have to do what we feel is right for our followed your head and heart...that can't be wrong!

Michelle Smiles said...

No one who has a child could think you are horrible. You did what you felt was best for your child and the dog. If something awful had happened not only would your child be hurt but the dog would likely be put down. I know it was a horrible, awful decision - dog are part of the family. But sometimes you have to make tough decisions - being a grown up sucks sometimes. I'm sorry you had to do it but completely understand.

(I am 34 and still have a scar from a dog bite to the face as a child.)

Melissa said...

I'm so sorry. I know this was a painful decision to make. I believe you certainly made the right choice - painful, but right.

Welcome to motherhood - painfully sacrificing and always putting the needs of our children first. We would do anything to keep our children from having even one moment of pain.

Terry said...

Oh honey! I am SO SORRY!
Pets become part of our families and I can't imagine how hard this must be for you, but doing what you know is best for Kevin shows what kind of mom you AWESOME one. Don't be so hard on yourself and give yourself time to grieve. I'm sure that Carly will be OK and will be united with a family that will love her very soon. Maybe you could ask your close friends and family to consider adopting her so you can still see her sometimes.


BERM said...

I found your blog when doing some research. We are adopting from Guatemala, too and our sons are about 1 week difference in age. I would love to talk. My spot is



Baby John's Crib said...

Don't beat yourself up over this!

I don't know if it's a coincidence, or if you picked up something I posted on my blog recently from my comments here, but your situation is different!

You clearly thought long and hard about your decision, and sought alternatives before making it. I'm sure you would have prefered finding a new home for Carly yourself, but you didn't have that choice. Hopefully, the SPCA will find her another home soon.

You had to do what's best for your son. He's not at an age where he can protect himself, so it's up to you to do so. You're a good mom!

Melissa said...

You did what had to be done. I know it was very difficult for you, but you put your child's safety first. Being a mom is such a tough, tough job....

Lisa said...

Tam, I am so sorry about your dog. What a tough decision to have to make, but really no choice at all when it comes to your precious baby...not that that makes it any easier. I hope you can focus on the happiness and good things with Kevin right now to help you as you heal over Carly. ((((((((Hugs)))))))

Esther said...

Oh, no, that is my biggest fear, too. I am sure that I will have to do the same thing when my Avaree comes home. I am so sorry for you and just know that your heart is broken. I will be praying for you. You are a very good mom! Esther (FTC)

Andrea said...

You did what you needed to do as Kevin's Mom. I know it's terrible-I am still afraid we have to give up our cats b/c K. might be allergic to them. You did what is best for Kevin, and that's the most important thing. I don't think anyone will think what you did was horrible!

Tara said...

I'm so sorry for you. I know it must hurt.